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In 1992 the Japanese video game producer Sega was losing the 16-bit console wars. The venerable gaming giant was foundering, faltering, and steadily losing its market share to Nintendo, a rival company known mainly for their cute games which starred cute characters doing cute things. Nintendo was easily outselling Sega, both with their popular console, the Super NES, and its most popular title, Super Mario World, a game which featured a fat Italian plumber riding dinosaurs, wearing capes, and encouraging kids to do mushrooms. Sega knew that if they wanted to beat Nintendo they needed a miracle. They needed a game that would sell millions of copies and flush that insipid plumber back into the #2 spot where he belonged. Fortunately Sega’s prayers were answered (sort of) with the release of Sonic the Hedgehog 2.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2, for all you non Generation Y gamers reading this, was Sega’s sequel to their 1991 hit, Sonic the Hedgehog. Unlike the first game, which was made in Japan, Sonic 2 was developed by Sega Technical Institute here in the United States. Clearly Sega didn’t want to take any chances with their game this time around, which is why they hired an American instead of a Japanese developer. It’s a well known fact that Americans are better at making video games than the Japanese. That’s why it’s 2008 and all our games still have sewers in them.
Anyway, Sonic the Hedgehog 2 features the return of Sega’s anthropomorphic blue mascot, Sonic the Hedgehog, who you may recognize from his numerous appearances in video games, TV shows, and the occasional internet furry porn. I don’t think Sonic needs much of an introduction at this point since he’s easily one of the most popular gaming mascots of all time. His first game, Sonic the Hedgehog, sold more copies and was more popular among 8-year-olds than Jesus, proving that even spiny mammals like hedgehogs can break the species barrier and become video game superstars. Now for his second adventure, Sonic is back and better than ever! He’s got a new look, a new sidekick, and a brand new mission. Faced with these exciting developments I think only one question remains: “Are you up 2 it?”
HAHA I HAVE SONIC IN MY
SINISTER CLUTCHES!! |
Haha, that was a rhetorical question. Of course you're up to it (or at least you'd better be) so let's get the skinny on Sonic’s latest and most epic adventure. Sonic the Hedgehog 2 is a sequel, and in the tradition befitting sequels it features a much more epic plot. Unlike the first game where Sonic’s goal was just to save a small part of Mobius or the pacific northwest or wherever it was the game took place, this time Sonic’s mission is (brace yourself) saving the entire world. That’s right kids, when danger comes knocking the world turns to one dashing blue hero to save the day. But unfortunately Superman has a prior engagement so it’s up to Sonic this time around.
For his second adventure Sonic must once again square off with his arch-nemesis Dr. Robotnik, an evil supervillain who belongs to that upper echelon of evil supervillains who take being evil so seriously that they even give themselves evil names. Incidentally, I’m a little curious as to what sort of reaction Dr. Robotnik got when he walked into the state probate office one day and said he wanted to change his last name to Robotnik. Was the lady at the desk at least a little suspicious that he may in fact be a supervillain? I mean what other reason would someone have for changing their name to something that sinister? For instance let’s say one day I suddenly decided I wanted to be called “Jed the Axe Murderer”. Sure it could be a coincidence, it could just be because I really love the way “Jed the Axe Murderer” sounds, but chances are it’s probably because I want to murder someone with a fucking axe.
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